Social Spark

Monday, September 12, 2011

People Talking About Other People

“Conniving” and “Talking without permission”... these are the words I can recall that our upperclassmen usually tell us when we were caught talking at each other.  It’s a grave offense for plebes and we’re actually punished by doing so.  It’s actually part of our training, just like telling you that there are a lot of things to do and talking to each other means you’re not busy doing your duty as a cadet.  If I may say, an etiquette, that you don’t talk secretly and if you have something productive to say, then tell it to the group so everybody can hear it.  If otherwise, then keep your mouth shut.  And you know what; it still applies even outside the walls of the academy...

A friend of ours confided that she was very much affected by her co-workers talking about her, making up stories about having an intimate relationship with a guy friend... and they don’t care even if it can ruin her married life.  We told her to ignore them, and not to give these unhappy people a chance to remove the joy in her  life... for as long as she’s  not doing anthing wrong,  in the eyes of other people, they’ll always be the “contra-bida” (antagonist) or the insignificant ones.  And we’re glad she smiled...

I pity not my friend (she’ll always have friends like us) but those people who talk about other people.  They envy too much that they find it difficult to see others being comfortable and happy with their lives.  Their lives were affected by these people and they take it negatively... so they throw back pessimistic thoughts and comments to others, subconsciously thinking it would make their lives look better.  They put too much emotion, time and effort just to gain nothing like friends... they don’t have real friends because people around them always think that they can’t be trusted.  If they talk about other people then there’s no stopping them from talking about anybody... even their thought to be allies.

I guess these are the people who never had bedtime stories with their parents when they were little or if they had, they never listened and learned anything at all.  Most of the time, in a child’s storybook, those who talk about and make wrongful accusations are the villains, who always have plans of destroying the lives of the protagonist, which they envy the most.

As observed, these “chismosas/chismosos” (as we call them in our place) or people who are fond of talking about other’s business, are people who doesn’t have anything to do or don’t have any work.  Most of them are unhappy jobless people who find an outlet to others just like them.  If they are however employed, then they are not that busy at all since they can still manage to have a couple of hours just to talk nonsense about someone.

I hope that these people will soon realize what they are doing isn’t right.  For  being like this all the time, makes it a habit and eventually becomes the person that they are...

My friends, I know you don’t want to be talked about by this cruel people... don’t worry Yahweh don’t like them either... that’s why it’s his 9th Commandment.  May Yahweh bless us all.

People will always talk about you, especially when they envy you and the life you live. Let them... you affected their lives, they didn't affect yours.” --- Anonymous


  1. Awesome post, Ralph! I could not have said it better. I have experienced plenty of workplace gossip in the past (which is another reason why I absolutely LOVE working from home for the past couple years coworkers are my hubby and our doggie, and they are a joy to be around)....and, unfortunately, even by a couple 'family' members who were quite vicious. But you are right,these people are NOT happy. We are happy, which is why I don't feel the need to attack others in a fit of jealousy. It is unfortunate that these folks don't just try to see the good in their lives, or DO some good for someone and make their circumstances more positive, rather than tear others down. This was an EXCELLENT post!! Well said. (And I love the comment, I wrote it down to post on my FB profile, my fridge, wherever else I see fit! LOL). If I still worked in an office outside the home, I'd probably have posted it (anonymously) alongside all the other notices on the board. Great write...looking forward to more of your writing. :)-Katwin2010

  2. in my younger years, i was guilty of the crime of talking about other people. and you know, the interesting thing i discovered was that when I started getting ideas and really valuable insights on life and other matters, the need to talk about other people vanished. i think the reason people talk about others negatively is not just really out of envy; sometimes it is because they lack IDEAS or things to fill their brains with. if one is really busy with many things, gossip will not be a priority, that's for sure.

  3. We have a rule in our church, actually to be a member--we've committed ourselves to refrain from gossiping. First we do not participate in Gossip. If someone starts gossiping about someone else, we simply ask, "have you spoken to (the person being gossiped about) about your concerns?" If they say, "no I'm just telling you." We immediately tell them we do not wish to participate in gossip.

    Well--you'd be amazed at the number of people that get offended by that. But it works. I think people gossip without realizing they are even doing it.

    I was fortunate enough to use this gossip technique as a manager in the work place. When two people would come to me and say... This other person is saying this and doing that. I would pull them all three into the office for a bit of a mediation. OH BOY!! That stopped them from running to me with gossip--funny how the truth can get sorted out...when you make the gossipers confront the person they are gossiping about.

    It is hurtful to know others are gossiping about you though. And the best thing to do--is to pull the key gossipers aside--about 2 or 3 with a neutral person on the side of the person being gossiped about and confront them. Funny, they will either be quiet or speak up--and when they do...the truth is usually set straight.

    Many prayers going out for your friend. Cheers, Jenn.

  4. Guilty here, Ralph! LOL

    Good thing, I tried to omit this habit. Although there are times that I can't help it, I just remind myself that time will come, other's will do the same for me...

    I strongly believe in the golden rule, "Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you."

    Thanks again for sharing and reminding me, Ralph!

  5. I've been at the receiving end of this type of behavior more times than I can count. In fact, I moved to another state to escape it. It's the one reason I don't ever want to move back. I still have family and dear friends that live there and it pains me that I haven't been back in such a long time.

    Words can hurt. Period. Some people have no concept the damage they can cause simply by opening their mouths.

    Thank you for sharing this story. Your friend is not alone. I know how she feels because I was there. So I am sending out a big virtual hug to you so you can give it to her. And for your compassion, I am sending a virtual hug to you too!

  6. We cannot please everybody.. If they talk about you, of course we cannot stop them. All we have to do is still hold our head high especially if you know you haven't done wrong.. :)