Part IX – To Love And To Hate (In Filipino "Tagalog" dialect)

Then she froze.... Reality came back to her... She covered her mouth with her two hands in disbelief for what she had done.  Guilt crept into her system.  She just gave herself to a happily married man.  How selfish... how stupid... how could she let this happen.

She immediately gathered her clothes, put them on and looked at Damon trying to hold her tears back... Then she ran as fast as she could to her room and tried to compose herself in front of a mirror.

Calm down Steph... You were in your most vulnerable state and he seduced you... Be Strong! Sooner or later, you will have to face him and tell it straight to his face that what happened between the two of you was nothing... Just sex between two consenting adults... Period.  She tried hard convincing herself.

Then she remembered Miggs... She was ready to move on... Try to start a life with someone other than Damon.  It was Miggs who had always been there for her.  Miggs is waiting for her at “The Patio”, the resort’s restaurant.  Maybe the only way to convince Damon that she’s not that affected is to let him see that she has moved on.  Besides yun naman talaga ang plano nya, and tanggapin na ang pag-ibig ni Miggs.

She took a warm shower, put on her pink floral sun dress, and tied her hair into a ponytail.  She applied a little blush on and light lipstick.

“Hello beautiful!” Tawag ni Miggs

“Hi, kanina ka pa ba?”

“Hindi naman, you look so fresh today, am I missing something?”

Pinamulahan ng pisngi si Stephanie.  Mabuti nalang at nakapagblush on sya.  Di niya maiwasang makaramdam ng guilt.

“Thank you”, yun nalang ang naisagot nya.

“What do you want for lunch?” Tanong ni Miggs.

“Nagpahanda na ako Miggs, I know you like deep fried hito”

“Wow, I’m flattered you remembered my favourite.

Ngumiti lamang si Steph.

“How are you, I missed you?” Malambing na tanong ni Miggs.

“Ahm, Miggs, I’ve been thinking about what you said before I left for the States.”

“Yes, and I’m still offering it until now... Steph, you know I love you so much... If you would just open your heart and give me a chance.”

“Miggs, before I answer that, you need to know something.  The reason why I went to the States was that I went looking for someone from my past.  He was my first love but he met an accident kaya kami nagkalayo.  His name is Damon Samuel.  I found out that Damon is already happily married.  Finally, I got a closure from my unfinished past.  I already let him go but he showed up early this morning which got me all confused all over again.”

“Are you saying that Damon is here right now?

“Yes, why, do you know him?”

“Yes, I provide bodyguards for his family.”

“He is here at nagkita kami kanina.” Hindi na sya nag elaborate about what else happened.

“Steph, you know how I feel about you.  I am deeply in love with you.  I will always be here for you and ready to marry you anytime.  Just say yes please.” Tila nagmamakaawa ang tono ni Miggs.

“I don’t know Miggs, maybe I need some time to think, to tell you honestly, I’m not sure about how I feel anymore.  I’m sorry Miggs but as of now, I think I still have a feeling for him.  But I also know that it’s too late for me now.  Damon is already married and I am not gonna ruin a happy marriage.” Naluluhang pagpapaliwanag ni Steph.

Hinaplos ni Miggs ang likod nya at nilapit nito ang balikat ni Steph sa kanya.

“Shhhh... It’s ok Steph... I’m just here.  I’ll wait for you until you are ready.  Give yourself time.  Just remember that I am not giving up on you.” Magkadikit ang balikat nila, nakatingin si Miggs kay Steph habang nakayuko naman ito.

Ito ang inabutan ni Damon na sitwasyon pagdating nya sa Patio.  The last person that he was expecting to be sitting so close beside Stephanie was his friend Miguel.

“Did you tell her about the job I gave you before you met her Miguel?” It was the most ice cold voice she ever heard.

“Damon.” Gulat na napatayo si Steph.

“Hello sweetheart...” Sinagot nya si Steph without looking at her.  Matalim ang tingin nito kay Miggs.  Gigil na gigil si Damon at halos hindi nya kayang kontrolin ang kanyang sarili na sugurin si Miggs ng suntok.

“Damon pare, I wasn’t expecting you to come here.”

“Wasn’t expecting you either.” Sagot ni Damon

“Why don’t we all sit together and talk pare.” Miggs offered Damon a seat.

“No!... I mean I need to go back to my office, I have lots of work to do.” Nagpanic na si Steph. Abot langit ang kabog ng kanyang dibdib. She was about to leave when Damon interrupted.

“Tatakasan at pagtataguan mo nanaman ba akong muli Stephanie?” He looked at her this time.

She melted like thin ice under the sun. But she kept her composure.

“No, Damon, and I never did that before.  It was you who never came back and happily moved on.”

“Is he your boyfriend?”
 

“Yes, and I think it’s none of your business.” Sa galit ni Steph ay ito ang kanyang naisagot.  Naintindihan naman ito ni Miggs.

“So Miggs, Does she know everything about our arrangement before... Did you tell her pare?”

“What arrangement?... Miggs?” Now she was puzzled.

“I’ll explain it to you later Steph, please calm down”

“Why not explain it to her now?” Pag hamon naman ni Damon.

“Pare, what is the point of all this? You clearly said from the last time we talked that you have no business with her anymore, diba pare? Why are you doing this now?” Sagot ni Miggs.

“Miggs, I demand that you tell me what is this all about, wag mo akong gawing tanga please.  Is there something you’re not telling me?” Stephanie interrupted.

Napatahimik si Miggs... Yumuko.

“I’m so sorry Steph, believe me. I’ve been planning to tell you this kaya lang natakot ako na baka lumayo ka sa akin.  Remember the first time we met at the hospital when you were still an intern?  It wasn’t an accident... I was discreetly watching you.  Damon hired me to look for you Steph.  During that time I wasn’t sure yet that it was you... Then I fell for you, I couldn’t keep myself from seeing you since then.  Because of what I felt for you, I forgot all my reason for being in Davao.  It was all because I fell in love with Queen Stephanie already.  I did not investigate further about Stephanie Martinez whom I was looking for.  Forgive me for not being honest with you Steph, wag mo sana akong layuan please.” Miggs was pleading.

Steph couldn’t believe what she just heard.  It was all a lie, their friendship was all a lie.  Miggs was a private investigator hired to look for her and she was totally clueless about it.  Nag mukha syang tanga.  Tumingin sya kay Damon.

Damon was looking at her too with emotions she can’t read.  Was it anger, pity or lust she was seeing in those eyes.  Uminit ang kanyang pakiramdam.

“Why didn't you tell me earlier?” Tanong ni Steph kay Miggs.   Things could have been different...We could have had a chance together.  Now it’s too late!

“How could you not tell me earlier Miggs!”

“I’m so sorry Steph, I didn’t want to lose you.” Lumapit si Miggs sa kanya.

“Stay away, don’t touch me please.” She was trying to keep herself from crying.

She couldn’t look at Damon... He looked for her ... She felt happy and sad at the same time.  Happy because Damon looked for her, sad because he easily gave up and married somebody else.  She had to stop all these once and for all.  She gathered herself and looked straight at the two men in front of her.

“Listen, you two, because this, I will only say once... You have done so much pain already... I do not want to see any of you ever again... Please spare me some respect and stay the hell away from me.” Tumalikod sya at naglakad palayo—she made it sure that not a single tear would fall from her eyes habang nasa harap nya ang dalawang lalaki.

“Stephanie!... Don’t you dare leave me again!” Tawag ni Damon.

Tumigil sya sa paglalakad at lumapit pabalik kay Damon.  She was only a feet away from him.  Sinadya nya ito upang silang dalawa lang ang makakarinig.

“Damon, I think you are not in the position to say that to me anymore, you very well know it’s too late... If you think that what happened this morning was something, you are mistaken.  What happened between us was nothing to me... It was just sex and nothing but sex.  So don’t call me like you own me because you have no right.  Go back to your wife and daughter Damon, and don’t bother me anymore please.”  At muli itong nag lakad palayo without waiting for his reply... This time her tears fell.  She was so hurt by her words because she knows that they were all lies... But it was what she thought was the right thing to do.

Natulala si Damon sa mga sinabi ni Stephanie sa kanya.  Ni hindi nya nakuhang sumagot man lang.  Nothing but sex?  But she gave herself to him for the first time for Pete’s sake!... He knew it was her first.  What kind of a woman would do that?  Then her last words echoed in his mind...”Go back to your wife and daughter Damon”... What was that supposed to mean?  Did she think that he was married?  How could she think that?  Humarap sya kay Miggs.

“Pare?... Don’t tell me that you told her that I was already married because I will forget that our friendship ever existed and bust your head off!”

“Shut up pare...you know I wouldn’t do that” Galit ngunit malumanay na sagot ni Miggs.

“Then why does she think that I have a wife and a daughter?” Napaisip si Damon... Then she remembered the lady in red... Of course it was her!  She actually went looking for him too.  Stephanie was that lady in red watching him with Megan and Abbie.  Kaya pala bigla itong tumalikod at patakbong pumasok ng elevator.

But Stephanie hates him so much right now.  He wasn’t sure how she really feels about him after this morning.  He knows that talking to her isn’t gonna help in this present state that she is in.  So he decided to go back to his cabin and formulate a plan.:.” Operation: bring her back by all means.”

“She is mine Pare! You must damn well know that!” Banta nito kay Miggs.

“Just let her choose man.”

“Ok, but don’t waste time because she is gonna choose me.”

“Di ka parin talaga nag bago Damon... Sigurista ka parin.” 

“I’m glad you remember.” Saka na ito naglakad pabalik sa kanyang cabin.

Habang naglalakad si Damon pabalik ay naalala nya ang namagitan sa kanilang dalawa kaninang umaga.  It was a night he couldn’t forget.  Stephanie and Ms. Lady in red became his.  Habang natutulog si Steph kanina ay halos isang oras din syang pinagmasdan ni Damon.  Hinalikan ang halos lahat ng parte ng kanyang katawan.  This morning, he vowed to never ever let this woman go.  She was his and his alone.

Pumasok si Damon sa kanyang kwarto at humarap sa salamin ng walk in closet.  He washed his face and hands.  When he placed his hands on the drier, it didn’t start.  It was then that he remembered about the black book... Now where was it. He found the book underneath the sink, it must have accidentally fallen from where he placed it.  He picked it up and slowly opened the pages... To his surprise, it was a journal... Stephanie’s journal. The first page read:

Dear Damon,

My dad, couldn’t recognize me anymore, it’s very painful to see him slowly waste away.  What makes it more painful is that you are not here with me.  If that accident didn’t happen, would you get mad if I told you that I’m Queen Stephanie Tuason and not Stephanie Martinez?... I wanted to tell you about my secret that night just after I have told you that I love you.  Yes, that was my plan... But unfortunately I never got the chance to do so... I wanted to take care of you in the hospital but they airlifted you to the US.

Damon, how are you right now?  Not a single day that I don’t pray for your fast recovery.  I will wait for your return Damon.  I miss you...I love you.

Stephanie

Every page of the book started with his name... His heart almost couldn’t contain the flattery.  All this time he suppressed his feelings and camouflaged it with hatred just so he can go on with his daily routines at work.  He even surrounded himself with beautiful women just to forget about her... But his subconscious would tell him otherwise and remind him in his dreams that only Stephanie can own his heart.  He may look happy and successful but deep inside he felt empty...void...nobody.  All these years, Stephanie never forgot a thing about him, from day1 till present.  He had to talk to her right now.  He went out again and headed straight to the reception area.

“Yes sir?  What can I do for you.?”

“Hi, have you seen Stephanie?” Nginitian nya ng matamis ang receptionist.

“Oh, I’m so sorry sir but Ms Stephanie already left.” Pacute na sagot ng babae.

“Where did she go?” Di nagpahalata si Damon na nagulat ito.

“Dr. Stephanie is having her residency at the Tuason Medical Center in Davao city... Sir, are you a friend of hers?” Di napigilang magtanong ng receptionist.

“I’m her fiancé... She just doesn’t know it yet.” Kinindatan nya ang dalaga.

He couldn’t believe that for the third time, Stephanie left him again.  He can’t blame her... If Stephanie felt something for him too, finding out that he was already married could have devastated her.  Maybe that was the reason why she was crying early this morning.  She must have given up on him because she already got rid of the book.

Now it’s his turn to show her the love that he had been hiding for so long.  It felt good to finally break free of his feelings.  He would follow her in Davao and pursue her like a gentleman.  He will not give up until she says yes.

To be continued...


Next: Part X - Facing The Odds
 
Previous: Part VIII - Sweet Sunrise